10th Annual Saddle Brook Luau

A wise person once said, "All good things must come to an end." That person was what we like to call "a buzzkill." Seriously, why do things have to end? Just keep doing them. They might even get better each time. Think about it, how many things get better the more you do them: high fives, watching Die Hard, making fun of Jill, the luau...I enjoy these things more each time I participate in them. Unfortunately, the time has come for the 10th and final Saddle Brook Luau. It started in 2000, years before I knew Kevin and Jen, and has had a great run. But now, as we approach 30, it gets harder and harder to justify a party at your friend's parents' house. Maybe another party will replace it as the one day in summer you can rely on to be fun, but right now let's enjoy the 10th and final Saddle Brook Luau.

This was Jaclyn's first luau and my first beardless luau in 5 years.

The hula girl showed up and touched her own boob.

The pool was calling my name, but it was still early, so Jaclyn and I made our way over to the beer pong table to challenge Kevin and Jen.

Kiefy and CJ, looking pissed. Why are they pissed? Because Kevin and Jen were destroying Jaclyn and me, until we went on a 7-0 cup run and beat them with one cup remaining, which was immediately followed by kevin flipping the table and dumping beer all over CJ's leg. (see the empty cups on the ground?)

Bob and Rob, not flipping the table.

____ and Drew destroying everyone

Jaclyn works for a shoe company in the city, so any time she sees an interesting design that someone is wearing she has to take a picture of it. Now every time I look through a set of pictures I find three or four pictures of shoes scattered in the mix.

Josh and Christina either came from or were going to a wedding, so they were all dressed up. I was dressed in my second-worst Hawaiian shirt because that's how I roll.

The final "Kevin barbecuing" picture.

Happy because I'm at the luau, but sad because it's the final luau.

Scott, complaining about the decorations, or telling Kevin how to barbecue, or yelling about anything

Who wants to jump in the pool? This guy!

I told you.

I don't remember if this is how it happened, but I like to think that Speedy showed up and immediately jumped in the pool before saying hi to anyone. Then he and Kevin high fived. Yeah, that didn't happen.

Ugh, this is the last luau, why are you guys making it look so boring??? What would make this more interesting for you? Medina's buttcrack?

Well you're in luck, she just happens to be fixing the sink. What if Jay showed up, would that make you happy?

Well speak of the devil, predictably in a Slayer shirt.

The awkward handshake-to-hug transition

Looks like it's getting dark out, time to hit the Four Loko.

If you've never talked to me, then you might not know what Four Loko is. Four Loko is a malt beverage currently available in 8 flavors (fruit punch, watermelon, grape, orange, blue raspberry, lemonade, cranberry lemonade, earthquake high gravity, and coming soon Lemon-Lime) that is 12% alcohol by volume. (a typical beer is roughly 4%) On top of that, it comes in a 24 ounce can. For those of you who don't have a useless math degree, that's the equivalent of 6 beers in one can. Oh, and did I mention it's also an energy drink containing caffeine, taurine, and guarana? We like to call it "mistake in a can."

I think Kevin, Mike, and I are the only people that actually like it. The grape is delicious.

I'm assuming we're laughing at Scott screaming at the people in the pool.

Nope, we're laughing at another slap contest that's started.

Ugh, I want nothing to do with Jack Daniels or whatever is on this video.

Jen and I make the "gross shot" face before she does the shot.

The Annual Pool Slam Dunk contest begins, but the remnants of the slap contest are still visible.

How did we go this many years without any major injuries?

Scott's up next. Two points?

Cos says, "Count it."

Jaclyn was taking these pictures. Where was I?

Oh that's right, not caring at all about the Dunk contest.

Jackie, Drew, Jen, me

Medina, Kevin, Kiefy, Josh, me

How great is making a whirlpool?

Not half as good as screaming, "Switch!" and trying to go the other way.

RIP The Luau.

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